Don't forget the girls!

Today's admonition comes from the great Kareem Abdul Jabbar. He reports a study by Lisa Hinkelman, Ph.D., a nationally recognized researcher, speaker and author who has spent nearly 20 years researching girls and educating adults.

SUMMARY: My most recent research study, which included more than 17,000 fifth-grade through 12th-grade girls in The Girls’ Index, reveals a troubling trend: 67% of the participants reported that they don’t say what they’re thinking or disagree with others because they want to be liked. Let that sink in for a moment. Two-thirds of girls are silencing themselves to be accepted. ... 

I remember that yearning to be conventionally popular as an adolescent girl. You either gave in to it, successfully or awkwardly, or you were part of the third of girls who said, metaphorically, "screw that!" That was a long time ago, but the pressures remain the same. 

Knowing this makes Kareem sad and a little angry. And he wishes the boys could do better.

MY TAKE: A lot has been written this past year about the challenges faced by boys and young men in America. It’s all true: young males are facing so much insecurity in their lives, let alone about their future. Yes, our culture does convey privileges on males that females don’t get. 

The problem they face at such a young age happens when they realize they are favored in our society, yet it doesn’t feel like it to them. Then they either have to deny they are favored, or they have to justify their privilege as deserved. That manifests itself in anti-DEI rhetoric: claiming superiority through religious or faux-biological posturing. 

Look at the sad role models of manhood that are out there in the news every day: flexing, bullying, openly insulting women, accused and convicted sexual predators doing everything they can to cancel women’s rights, silence their voices, and reduce their power. No wonder our boys struggle to grow up with moral values that reflect the principles in our Constitution.

There is a third option that some men embrace: Acknowledge their preferred status, but fight against it to create an even playing field. That would be my idea of Real Men.

Nothing in this massive study surprises me. And that in itself is sad. Our society is not structured to support women but to punish them. Don’t bother pointing to the statistics about the increasing numbers of women attending college or having corporate jobs or who are in politics. That’s important, sure, but it always comes with a societal gut-punch.

As long as women are judged first on their appearance and “sexiness,” they will always be considered inferior. As long as women continue to get Botox or plastic surgery to appear younger or more voluptuous, they will be treated as inferior because, in part, these things are an admission that appearance in a woman is more important than it is in a man. High heels to appear taller and flex the legs, low-cut tops, false eyelashes, hair extensions and wigs all tell men that women are vain and frivolous. 

Yes, you can say it’s fun to dress up and do things to “enhance” your looks, but you haven’t been paying attention to the cost to your power and dignity this cultural brainwashing brings. There are plenty of excuses to embrace this status quo, especially if you’re young and attractive by society’s narrow standards. It feels like you’re getting more than you’re giving up. But that’s not true. You’ve sold young girls—and your older self—down the river.

Look at the results of the study and ask yourself how we’re still here. During the Women’s Liberation Movement of the sixties, I envisioned a future of women having equal opportunities with men, of the insane beauty standards being something we all laughed at, like girdles or foot-binding. 

But then, I thought the same thing about the Civil Rights Movement. And here we are. It’s not good enough. Not for any girl or woman. We can’t just shrug it off anymore and make excuses. 

Or, as other elders would admonish us: Freedom is a constant struggle.