Thursday, July 30, 2020

What might Miss Manners suggest?

These pandemic etiquette suggestions are being passed around on Facebook. They originated with Paige Campbell Johns. I think they are helpful for figuring out how we should behave among friends and co-workers in the novel situation in which we find ourselves. People who are going into work settings may have other standards imposed on them by employers. But many of us have a lot of leeway in how we conduct ourselves. I've pulled some excerpts. Click on the link to read it all.
I want to propose three general ground rules for interacting with people right now.

The rules are: (1) When you make plans, make them very specific, and avoid changing them at the last minute. (2) Defer to the most cautious person in your presence. (3) Do not take it personally if someone is more cautious than you.

To elaborate, with examples I made up: 
(1) Be very detailed about any plans you make to see other people. If you invite friends over to sit in your driveway and have a drink, don't suggest as people arrive that you sit on the back deck instead. Among your friends might be someone intending to give herself 10 feet of space instead of 6. She might have been excited about the driveway idea because it's not only outdoors but effectively unbounded; she knew she'd be able to make as much space for herself as she felt she needed. Then you move to the deck and space is more limited, and she is faced with a really awkward decision. ...

The point is that trying to make decisions on the fly is incredibly stressful. You might be 100% confident that you understand the relative risk of things. But you don't know what other people's understanding is. And the split-second after being told that the location or the menu has changed is not a good scenario for evaluating risk, especially with an audience. Don't put people in that position.

(2) On that note, when you and a person in your presence have different (verbalized or apparent) levels of caution, the obvious and decent thing to do is match the more cautious person's behaviors. If you don't wear a mask but you notice one of your co-workers tends to, then put on a mask when you are going to be anywhere near them. Their mask usage is a clear indicator that they think mask usage is important. ...

(3) This also doesn't mean that this person has an issue with you in particular. Do not take it personally.  
Some people are approaching the world with an understanding that there are essentially two groups of people: the ones I live with, and everyone else. From a public health perspective, the standards I apply to interacting with anyone in the latter group should be consistent, whether you are someone I work with, a friend, a relative, or a stranger. I do not and cannot know whether you are carrying a potentially deadly, poorly understood, highly contagious virus, so to the greatest extent possible, I'm going to behave like you are carrying it, no matter who you are. ...

...  People want to interact with the world, and some of us never stop thinking about how to do it right in this not-at-all right world we find ourselves in.

1 comment:

Bonnie said...

Our contacts are doctor's offices. Our daughter comes of course and one day this week a friend brought me elements for Sunday communion. We chatted, she with a mask and I didn't know if I should put mine on. Probably should have.